I took Abby to McDonald's for the first time yesterday. Now before you judge me too harshly, I do not plan to make it a habit. I know all the arguments against McD's. I've seen "Super size me". But it was cold out and I thought the indoor playground might be a good place to kill some time while Mommy slept [she's working overnights].
Not much has changed at McD's since the last time I was there. Same basic decor, same basic menu. They have apples slices for the kiddies now. There’s a stupid idea for you. What kid wants apples slices when dad is having deep fried starch with salt? I tried several times to get her to try the apples, but it was a no go. So she had French fries. My French fries to be precise, but never mind. In their defense, McD's now has a grilled cheese sandwich that Abby seemed to enjoy. But, I might be rationalizing here.
Anyway, the point of our visit wasn't the food it was the playground. Abby seemed to enjoy the playground once she figured out what the hell it was. This is understandable. Imagine if you saw this huge multicolored, multistory contraption with bars on the windows. Someone puts you in front of the entrance and takes your shoes. I'd be hesitant myself.
Abby finally figures out the process and starts going around and around on the slide and bouncy pad. She was having a good time and I was having a good time watching her having a good time. You know “The Joy of Parenting” stuff. And that's when it happened. A gang of boys ranging in age from 4-8 came into the playground and started being boys. Yelling, screaming and having a good time. At one point, I overheard the biggest kid say something like "Don't let the girls through". I thought it was kind of a weird thing to say until I realized that the "Girls" included my daughter.
I notice my daughter standing at the entrance waiting patiently for her turn. As I mentioned in earlier blogs, she's not even two. She doesn’t understand what an asshole is yet. So there she is hands folded waiting for her turn. So I say to the kids/future thungs in my best rational adult voice "Excuse me, but could you let the littler kids go by". the youngest of these future tax payers stands aside, but the ringleader eight year old looks at me and says “No, I’m not letting any girls though.”
Immediately, I revert to my pre-parent inner self. My 1st thought is something like;
"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU STUPID LITTLE KID! I AM GOING TO SHOW YOU WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE PICKED ON BY SOMEONE BIGGER! I WILL MAKE YOU EAT YOUR OWN FACE! GET READY KID, I’M GONNA PUNT YOU LIKE A FOOTBALL!"
Fortunately, having a kid teaches you a little bit about impulse control and I took a second to rethink my approach. But what are my options…Where’s the damn Daddy handbook? My parents never had this dilemma. Do I find the kids parents and tell them what’s going on? Doesn’t that make me a rat? Do I politely ask again? What happens if he refuse again? I can’t spend my day trying to reason with an eight year old. What else is there…
Thank god his mother comes over and grabs him by the arm…his mother is there telling him off. He’s eye are cast downwards in that fake “I’m sorry” look that I know from using it myself so many years ago. I’ve avoided the situation. Which is great, because while I’m pretty sure I can take an eight year old, it’s probably not my best option.
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