WHAT DID YOU JUST #$%KING SAY?!

Ahh Toddlers. Wide eyed optimism, brimming with a joy and filed with a happiness forgotten by those of us tainted with the corruption of age. I look upon my little Abby and I am in awe of the courageous way she goes about exploring her world.

She sees a leaf. Abby runs over picks it up and turns to me “Look daddy a leaf”

She sees a bird fly over head. She points skyward and yells “A bird, a bird. Look Daddy, look.”

She sees a puddle and runs over to it screaming joyfully at the top of her lungs. She jumps in, splashing muddy water on her white tights. She looks down and says “Oh Shit!”

Wait, what…

Did she just say…

…Oh shit…

No, no, no, no this is not good. Not good at all.

Turns out she is listening to me and not the good stuff either. C’mon, man. You can’t be saying that. Your mother is gonna kill me if she’s hears you say that.. Why, why, why!? After ever word I’ve said. All the sage advice I’ve given. Why?! Why is that the thing you decide to repeat?

You couldn’t look down at your dirty cloths and say “Thank you” or “Fill ‘er up” or even “When’s lunch”. But, Nooo…you had to curse. You had to ruin my little “I can say what ever I want and it doesn’t matter cause you don’t repeat the crap I say” world. You had to go and say “shit”

Almost as soon as I realize what she just said, I realize what she could have said. I’m from Newfoundland, cursing is a part of my native tongue. I spill the coffee and I drop the S-Bomb. Someone cuts me off and out comes the son of a B-bomb. The other team scores against my team and there’s a mother F-bomb. I’m dropping bomb all over the place, most of them conventional weapons, but there are some thermal nuclear weapons in there as well. But it didn’t matter cause the only person who knew what I was saying was my wife. As far as Abby is concerned I was just saying “Blah” and “Blah blah” and “Mommy Blaher”. There was no harm, no foul

Until today…

Well. there it is…I’ve got to stop cursing and start watching my language. That’s going be weird for me. I remember on time when I was around 15 years old, I watched in awe as my grandfather cursed for 5 minuets straight and he didn’t repeat the same word twice. I’m serious, it was amazing. Old guy’s…Am I right?

Still, as weird it’s going to be for me it’s going to be even weirder for my buddies. They simply are not prepared for this. There I’ll be playing poker with the guys, cold beer, good cigars. I bet heavy, raise, re-raise. I’ve got that guy right where I want him. I’m holding three aces…nothing’s going to beat that. I lay them down, smile and watch as my opponent turns over not one, not two, not three, but four kings.

“C’Mon! You’ve got to be Fudging Pooping me here! What the Heck is this Poop!? How did a son of a birdbath like you get so fudging lucky! Lady of Ill repute! MotherFudger, Sock Corker”

Like I said…It’s going to be weird.