OMG! That’s so friggin’ cute

Here is a list of things that, before my daughter was born, I found cute:

1) nothing

I’m a guy dammit. A man’s man, I was never really susceptible to cuteness. I liked camping, fishing, making things out of wood and beer. And before you start correcting the grammar of that last sentence, if I could actually build a table out of wood and beer, I would. That’s how I rolled. Johnny Cash was something I liked. Hockey was something I liked. “When Animals Attack” was something I liked.

Then I had a daughter…

And she’s just the cutest. Now I get all choked up at bank commercials. When that father brings his kid into the branch to open a low interest “Lil Savers” saving account, that just gets me right there, you know? It’s ridiculous. Not to mention the way I carry on when she does something cute. You wouldn’t know if she just found the cure for cancer or invented a low calorie beer that also lowers you cholesterol.

“Look at you. You are so smart. You took your socks off all by yourself.” I can just see the look on my internal tough guy. Standing there, mouth agape in pure shock and/or disgust. “Dude! What are you doing? Let’s go kill something.” I spent a summer gutting fish for commercial fishermen. 15 years later and I’m dancing around the house to “I’m a little teapot” just to get a giggle. I’ve turned into a cute addict. If you’re like I was and you want to stay tough. Take my advice and do not go to your daughters 1^st holiday pageant.

There I am, sitting in the basement of the daycare, I got the video camera all set. I brought the good camera for some good close-ups and I got the point and click just in case something happens. I tell you, I’ve got more camera equipment than a busload of tourist heading to Niagara Falls. Sad Really. The crappy red curtains on the crappy wood stage opens up and suddenly all the parents turn into 20 year paparazzi veterans. There is pushing and jostling to get that perfect shot. Then I see her, my little girl. She is so cute and beautiful standing there doing…absolutely nothing. She’s just standing there in this weird sort of statue of liberty pose. None of the kids are doing anything really. It’s not so much a kids holiday pageant as a chance for the daycare staff to perform their best rendition of “Where are all the Elves At”.

And OMG it’s the cutest friggin’ thing ever.

She’s got the cutest blank stare on her face. She’s looking around the room in the cutest possible way. She’s standing there in the cutest little pose. Oh look she’s about to do something…wait, nope, false alarm. Ahhh, how cute, her 1^st holiday pageant false alarm.

The whole thing took 7 and a half minuets and I loved every last second of it. Perhaps losing man credits is just a part of the job. I dunno, maybe I’m getting soft in my old age. No matter how hard my day has been, no matter how many jerks I’ve had to deal with. She gives me one smile and all my problems go away. And that’ll beat gutting fish any day of the week.