My last post looked at the mathematics of poop. I think it we all can agree that one post about poop per blog is enough. So let’s leave that topic behind [geez, once you start with the puns it’s hard to stop] and move on to the next topic in my three part series, food. Obviously, if the stuff comes out, it’s got to go in first.
I was actually a little hesitant to post this entry. Turns out there are some people out there who are very much against bottle feeding. If you don’t believe me, Google “Old Navy Formula Feed Onesie” and you’ll see what I’m talking about. When I told my wife about my concerns she said that I should post anyways. She pointed out that I started this blog as a source of information and a way to express my particular views. When I said I was still unsure, she called me a pussy and, well, here we are.
I want to state that I have no strong opinions one way or the other as to the ethics of bottle vs. breast feeding. If you breast feed, awesome. If you bottle feed, also awesome. I’m more concerned that you feed your child, than how you feed you child. And brother, are you going to feed.
Most people say a parent can begin introducing solid foods into your child’s diet anywhere from 4-6months. I cannot tell you exactly when we started feeding solids to Abby. Everything before her first birthday is a sleep deprived haze. All I know for certain is that my wife was very much against my attempt to feed Abby bacon at 9 months. Personally, I think she’s being overprotective. Bacon is delicious. For the purpose of this series, I’m going to assume we started around 4 months. The reason for this will become apparent in the final part of this series.
For the first 2 months of their lives a newborn will consume 1.5-3 oz of formula every 2-3 hours. And that’s every 2-3 hours. There is no average here. The average adult needs 7.5 hours of sleep. This disparage is the cruelest joke nature has played on the new parent.
Another interesting fact is that while the baby consumes 3 fluid oz of food, they’ll spit up any where from 4-5 liters of fluid all over you. Whoever is designing these spit up blankets is some kind of idiot. I’ve got baby puke all over my lower back and into my back pocket. The back of my new Hugo Boss shirt [my only Hugo Boss shirt] is complete ruined. But that 4 inch square on my shoulder is nice and dry. They need to start designing these things with a scoop or something. The first time you get baby vomit running down the nap of your neck and down your front and back, is a special moment that should be cherished for ever.
Any way, let’s do some math:
3 oz X (24/2) = 36 oz/day X 30 days = 1080 oz
After the first 2 months baby starts to eats more. Now it’s 4-6 oz every 3-4 hours.
6 oz X (24/3) = 48 oz/day X 30 days = 1440 oz
For a grand total of
1080 + 1440 = 2520 oz
Not much right. An ounce is only wee. 2520 ounces is just a little more wee. But what if we relate that into terms that guys like me can understand. I am talking about reducing this to the ice cold beer facts. When we convert 2520 ounces into milliliters we get 74525 ml. My favorite beer, Moosehead, comes in 341 ml bottles. Doing simple math we get…
74525/ 341 = 218.5 beers/12 = 18 cases of the good stuff.
Kind of makes you thirsty, doesn’t it.
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